Keeping the Peace

I had an opportunity to stop, what could have been a very, very ugly fight between two boys.

I was out on my patio and I saw one boy in the parking lot, who I shall name "Martin" for the sake of this blog post, and another boy "Gary" outside with my twin boys begin to have words. There was one tall girl with Martin and another young boy about 7 or so watching the events transpire.

Mind you, I am on the second floor. So as soon as words turned to fists I yelled to my boys to walk away.  Surprisingly they did as I headed out the front door and down the stairs.

Martin continued using obscene words and pounding poor Gary's head and his back. I saw a maintenance guy just drive right past these kids not saying a word. I walked over to where they were after making sure my kids were okay, and I said "Hey, what's going on here?" The girl was just standing there and looks at me and says "I didn't do anything" and I said "I know, I was watching the whole thing from my patio." I hear Martin get one more "asshole" out of his mouth before looking at me trying to explain his actions while speaking 100 miles a minute.

"Calm down," I said slowly.  First of all we needed to get out of the parking lot and onto the sidewalk. Gary is fixing his baseball cap and Martin is fuming still. He starts saying "He started it! He..." and before he even got the next word out, I interrupted him, put my hands up and said, "Stop right now. It doesn't matter who started it. I am a person who does not believe that violence is the answer. We use our words around here, not our fists."

He looked at me, a bit puzzled by my statement.

"You are a good kid Martin.  You've helped me take out my trash and offered to help with my groceries.  There is no need for you to harm another person because you are angry at them. Use your words."
This is a lesson I teach the toddlers at the school where I work.  So certainly a 5th grader can grasp this concept.  I even spoke to him in the tone I use with my children at work.

At this point the blood pressure of Martin and Gary is slowly coming back to normal.

I explained to Gary that he didn't need to smack the basketball out of Martin's hand. And I then reiterated to Martin that if he is upset, he needs to tell a parent or walk away.


I hope that my words had some positive impact on this young boy. I know I cannot save him, he has to save himself. But I'm hoping that when things like this happen(and this wasn't the first time this boy has done something and I had to brush in as role of protector) he will think twice before lashing out at another child. I doubt it, but one can be hopeful.

Then later on that day there is a group of girls who were throwing rocks at my boys. I told the boys to come inside. I got my thoughts together, because I didn't want my anger spilling out onto these girls and I went back outside. I asked them "Who threw the rocks at my boys?" This young  girl, about 11 or 12 comes walking towards me hands on her hips and says "I did". Okay young lady, lower the attitude, I'm not going to attack you here. So as calmly as I could I said "Well, what happened?" She proceeds to tell me that my boys started it, and my son tried to hit her. She said my other son was calling her friend with a pair of glasses a nerd. Then she said my son's friend threw her bike on the ground and the handle bars fell off. Thankfully she was able to fix it. The other girl said "When you first moved here we always talked to your son. He was nice. Now since he has been hanging out with Gary he's gotten mean.  I don't want my boys hanging out with this kid, but as any parent knows you have to let them learn the hard way sometimes, because the more you say "you can't...(insert here)"...the more they rebel and do it anyway.

Then I looked at the one girl who was wearing glasses and I told her "You look like a nice kid. Why would they be mean to you?" She shrugged her shoulders. I looked back at the first girl I was talking to and I told her, "I'm sorry about your bike and I'll talk to my boys.  Please, though, if they ever do anything to try to hurt you, come and get me and I will handle it, okay?"  They all nodded and I walked away.

It's hard keeping the peace around here.

Especially when I have boys who, through no fault of their own, are exposed to the "don't walk away, defend yourself or you are weak" mentality of someone who shall remain nameless going through their heads.

I am hoping that by showing them using your words and not your fists can be a positive thing.  They see it. As much as I tell them, I think if they see it enough times they will listen to my advice and not bully other kids.

I am trying, so hard, to keep them safe and sane.

Not easy a lot of the time, but I do this because I love them.

And I want the best life possible for them.