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Tuesday, August 26, 2014

When a Bond is Broken.....

Well now that the hoopla of my quitting my old job and getting my new one is over, there have been some pros and cons to the new job.  

I have attained not only some much-needed sleep around here, but managed to lose a friend in the process.

Not sure if I mentioned it in my last blog or not.  

It kind of bugs me, but here's the thing...this "friend" of mine clearly wasn't a true friend. Perhaps I was her friend of convenience. A friend only because we worked together.  I've been used before, wouldn't be the first time. I thought we were true friends though, because she did a lot of nice things for me and especially my kids and she never complained about them....ever.  She just was such a good person to us, and likewise I would reciprocate when I could. It's not just "any" person that I buy gifts for. There was another girl at work who I knew and she had a 1st party for her kid, and to be honest I wasn't very fond of the girl, but loved the kid. Cutie patootie he was. I was invited to the party. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to go. Just because I'm invited doesn't mean I'm obligated, although it felt like it because the group of coworkers was so small and...well....personal. 

I didn't go.

I didn't get the kid a gift either.  I'm not mean, it's just we weren't friends. If I went around buying gifts for all the coworkers with kids birthdays, or anniversaries, or whatever comes along I'd be broke.  

Now friends are a different story.  When my family is taken care of, friends come next in line. If they need a kidney, mine is theirs(unless family got it first of course). I'll buy, sell, trade anything to help them out.  This friend of mine is that friend(or WAS that friend I suppose).  This friend and I had so many fun times together, and we laughed and cried and yelled and got angry, but through the worst of times, we still managed to hang in there and take care of each other and have a pretty good friendship.

Then I quit my job.

Then all hell broke loose.

Then she wouldn't return my calls.

I didn't DO anything to her personally. I quit my stupid job.  It wasn't really all that stupid, it just got stupid towards the end of it, if it wasn't getting stupid I'd be stupid for leaving in the first place. Ya know??

Anyway, it's kind of like if you wanted to go out on a date with your husband, the kids are driving you crazy. You asked your friend to babysit that night. She says sure. Next thing you know she calls you up an hour before date time as you are squeezing into your control top, rubber-band like pantyhose to tell you she got a date with the hot looking UPS guy from work. Expletives are flowing through your head. You want to scream.  You say nothing.

There is awkward silence after you tell her it's fine.*really, it's not*

You hang up.

Days go by and you're still fuming. You're friend on the other hand calls you to say how sorry she was that she bailed on you. Her and this guy are getting married and you are the matron of honor. Her UPS boyfriend has a teenage daughter who can babysit for you. 

IN the end...everyone wins. 

Because in life, nothing is guaranteed.

And when an opportunity presents itself, you have to take it.

My kids are the one's who I am doing this for.

NOT ME....

My KIDS.

They will always come first, and the huge sacrifices I am taking right now, will pay off by next year. It was the scariest thing I ever did taking that big gamble quitting that day. But I'm doing this for my children and to better our lot in life here.


But unfortunately my friend doesn't see this.

All she (probably) sees is that she was left to work with someone who she doesn't really get along with. I don't know how long she had to work with that person, because she never called me back.

It's been a week now. 

I've stopped calling her and even deleted her on Facebook.

I don't have time for this right now, other pressing issues are in my life in the moment. I've already cried, gotten ticked myself and just let it go.

She has my number. She knows where I live. Send me a fruit basket, send me a fruit basket with moldy fruit to really let me know how she feels.

Something.

I tried.

That's all I can do.

I will still be here, if she wants to talk. I don't hate her and I sure hope she finds happiness in her life.

I hope she got a big fat raise because of me leaving. I bet she will or has already.  

That was her teenage babysitter....get the analogy there?



;

Sunday, August 24, 2014

I Believe....


Yesterday was rather interesting for me.

For starters, I ran around all morning first to pay my insurance and open a checking account. They were very friendly there(which is why I give them my customer loyalty and not some other company) and when I handed the agent a $100 bill and told her I needed the $10 change, the other agent took it and went to the store next door to get change. 

Now that's customer service!

He came back, made change and then I said I wanted to open a checking account.  Well, she said she needed a money order. So I got in my car and drove to the grocery store down the street to get one. It was then that I realized one of the bill statements I needed to pay a bill at the store wasn't in my purse. I could have done all of it in one fell swoop.  Great! Now I had to drive home after my trip back to the insurance office and get the bill.

Then there was a line, and there was this little older Hispanic woman with a tiny zipper wallet full of change. She kept on pouring it into her hand, and dimes and nickles and pennies would be rolling all over the floor, making that "ping" sound each time they fell.  She was mumbling something in Spanish each time they fell and she bent over to pick them up as others helped her find her stray change, as she was having a conversation with herself or something. Finally after the fourth time or so of the change all over the floor, I asked her, "Would you like me to help you?" and I cupped my hands and she dumped all that change into my hands. She began counting, "Uno, dos, tres,..." and I wanted to count out loud with her. Finally the line moved and I set her coins on the counter for her.  She thanked me and I moved forward and got my money order and out the door I went.  

Back to the agent's office I go.

I open my account.  I get back in my car and I go home to get the stupid bill I forgot. 

Head back to the grocery store.  

Pay the bills I needed to pay. Got myself a chicken sandwich and went home. Took four bites of the sandwich, because I haven't been very hungry lately and I went to go and sit down. 

There is a knock on my door.

It's my neighbor. She has a crisis. She has to be out of her (ex?) boyfriend's house by Thursday.  She talks, I listen. I offer her water, and a cigarette to calm her frayed nerves. I call numbers for her to try and get her some assistance.  On a Saturday in Vegas, that's a tough feat to accomplish. I give her my advice. I tell her just to hang in there. We make plans to go to church. 

Prior to her visit, I should add here, her boyfriend was outside. He looked a bit upset. I ask him what's bugging him, and he starts going on and on about what is going on with her. I listen.  I lend him a listening ear and a cigarette he asked for.  He goes on his way.

Next thing I know we are in church. I buy her a tea and we split a muffin prior to church...thinking this might be her last opportunity to have a decent dessert.  Come to find out now she won't be homeless. He said she can stay. I tell her she still needs to leave because she can't keep depending on him for security. It's her call, I don't know everything, my own life has it's own pitfalls thank you very much, so take my advice, don't take it. Unless I gave birth to you it doesn't matter what you do with my advice, know what I mean?

Then, something happened at church that shocked a friend of mine and myself. We are both in tears. I won't say what it was, but we also had some much needed "therapy time" together. I listened. Because she was always there for me when I had my dilemmas going on. She is still there for me as well if I need her.

We chatted and then I took my neighbor home and I came inside.

Next thing I know I'm getting ready to settle down...the phone rings....it's another friend of mine.  She has some issues, and I listen, then she gives me her philosophies on her views of religion. I tell her my church isn't a "religion". You don't follow a set of man made laws, you follow God's law which is the Bible. I tried to tell her that God is there, and even though she follows a Wiccan path, the two are not the same. She kept insisting that all are the same. 

All are not the same, God is God period. So then she kept apologizing for saying things she said. I am thinking to myself,(and probably should have said this) why are you apologizing for what you believe? If you believe that strongly in what you believe don't apologize to me. Maybe she was trying to convince herself that what she believes IS truth. I've met a lot of Pagans in my life, I was even Pagan at one time in my life, I was angry. Angry at God and a lot of people in my life at that time. I realize the error of my ways.  My friend may never see that aspect, I still love her and will continue to pray for her, but I see her life falling apart at the seams and I want to say..."Please, stop. Find Jesus and come home to peace and comfort in him." 

Let me share a hypothetical here. You have a child(not saying my friend is a child) but you have a child, and you see them making choices that will hurt them(or are hurting them). You try to help them, but they won't listen. They are so set in their minds that what they are doing is right, that they just dismiss everything you tell them. So you sit, and you wait, and you see a train-wreck coming.  You can't save them. You've tried everything in your power to help them, but to no avail. Sometimes it takes a major atrocity to make them see the light.

Am I not going to be her friend, because she doesn't believe as I do? Absolutely not. She may decide that she has tired of me talking about God and coming back to him.  But as a Christian I have to share  God's word. It's my duty as a Christian to serve God and to minister to non-believers.  If they get angry and decide to "unfriend me" or never call me again, that's their choice. But I will always care about those people, regardless of what they believe.

It's not an easy path. Our pastor even told us it would be a challenging path to walk with Christ. 

I get that now.

I am struggling here with my own problems.  

I just keep moving forward. 

One day, one step at a time. 

That's all I can do. 

It's a rough journey. But I keep plugging away and hope for miracles here and there.  

I got the job. Next I need to find the apartment or house to rent.

Then take it from there. 

My ex decided to reduce the child support because I now make more money. What he doesn't realize is that come December, I will be kicked out of here for making this much money. But I will cross that bridge when I get to it. 

This isn't easy. 

But I have faith that God will get me through this. Not Buddha, not Isis, or Hermes or whomever others out there believe in...GOD.  

This is my belief.

I'm not attacking anyone here by any means. But this IS what I believe to be truth. Maybe a soul or two will be saved by my blog....maybe not. Maybe some will read this and discard it as "nonsense". Whatever the case may be, I know that I will live my life according to God's word and nothing else.

Because as Phillipians 4:13   says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".







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Thursday, August 14, 2014

This One's For You Friend

After reading my most faithful follower's comment this morning it got me to thinking. I had tons of thoughts of what I wanted to say, so instead of blogging in a comment I am going to blog right here.

Bear with me as I get my thoughts together.

First of all to all of those folks out there(not just my dear internet friend) who feel icky, blah, out of sorts if you will and like life is meant to be spent on our couches or in our beds 24/7 let me say that the best thing you can do for yourself is to get out there and dance.

Dance in life.   Kick off those fuzzy bunny slippers and your robe and just dance around the house. Come on now, shake your booty, wave your arms in the air and just get dancing!

 "Dance til you can't dance til you can't dance no more..." -C and C Music Factory

(I thought of this song when I said Dance in life.....oldie but a goodie) LOL





And in the event there is no music, don't let the absence of music make you stop dancing.  Make your own music. 

Get out and go to the park.

Call an old friend from years ago or catch up with someone on Facebook you haven't talked to except when Facebook reminds you it's their birthday.

Find a hobby. There are plenty of things one can do to pass the time that do not require the use of a couch. Painting, blogging, jogging, taking a walk. Even those of you out there wheel-chair bound can enjoy the beautiful sights of God's creations by heading out doors. Inhale the fresh air, smell a flower, watch the butterflies, enjoy a sunrise or sunset with a nice cup of coffee or an ice tea(Very Berry Hibiscus from Starbucks, highly recommended).  

Talk to a neighbor/make friends.  I met my best friend in the world talking to a neighbor one time. Read my very first post and you will see just how much of a friend this woman was to me. My Best Friend Post   It's amazing how much one person can change your entire world with a cup of coffee and conversation while watching the sun rise and/or set. 

Take a class.  Tons of Adult Ed classes out there at local community colleges. I took three writing courses at UNLV. Best time of my life. I'm still an unpublished author, but some day I'll make that dream a reality.  Call me procrastinating Patty. Ha Ha!

Reach Out and Help Another Person.  Nothing makes you feel better than making a difference in the life of someone else. You can volunteer at a soup kitchen, or read to children at the library. Head to a children's ward in the hospital or the oncology unit or geriatric units and play games with the patients. Sing to them, read them a book or just sit and listen to them talk. Sometimes, especially with seniors, it gets so lonely and nurses and doctors are too busy to truly listen that all they need is someone to hear how they feel, or reminisce about times from long ago. 

Pray.  This is a big one. This is first and foremost what I do each morning. Because it's important. It's important to give thanks to the Almighty, because it is because of him that we are blessed with life and the opportunity to wake up each morning. No matter what struggles we endure, His love is never ending.  We never know when our time will come, so while we are here, we should give thanks and praise God for all he has done in our lives.  

And to those who may not believe in Him, let me say something here. I am not here to chastise you, it is God's job to judge not mine. My job is simply to minister to those who may not have him in their life and let God do the rest. Maybe you don't believe, maybe you have your own set of faith and values, I respect those. However, if you feel like all hope is lost or you are living a life of sin and you KNOW in your HEART that what you are doing is wrong, I would like to suggest you try on a new set of "spiritual shoes". :) That's what I called my former spiritual path in life, my spiritual shoes. Because I hadn't found my true faith(until now of course) and I was trying on all sorts of beliefs...like a new pair of shoes. 

Just say one prayer. 

That's it.

I'm not asking you to run to a church and bow down before the Lord and recite the bible.  Just one prayer. No one but you and God will know you did this. If you get a tiny miracle, wonderful. If you don't, well, try another prayer. 

Or have a little patience.  

I know that prayer has worked for me. I feel sometimes like it's a struggle to worship God. But truth be told, every good relationship isn't easy. It's a struggle. To trust, to love, to be faithful. I am human, and God know this, but he also knows my heart.  So I continue to worship him and go to church, and do my best to live by the Word and just trust that God will rescue me in my times of struggle. 

I heard a pastor this morning say on TV, (paraphrasing here) "Faith is about trusting in God. You don't worry about the bills, or that sickness or whatever is ailing you because you just KNOW that God will take care of it. That is Faith."

I'm not saying that feelings of Ick or yuck will dissolve into thin air, but it will be a lot more bearable if you just get out and do stuff. No matter how lazy you feel, even if your head is telling you to just stay put, don't listen to your head, remember my words here the next time depression or ick comes into your head....GET OUT THERE RIGHT NOW AND DANCE!


Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Just One More Day

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I was sad to hear that Robin Williams had died.

I could have done without the details.  The mere fact of him taking his own life was traumatic enough for me.

As a suicide survivor myself(yes, I tried 14 years ago to end what I thought was my wasted life, I'm here still by the grace of God) I will say that depression is an ugly disease, just as bad as drug-addiction. You struggle daily with trying to cope, trying to hang on "just one more day". Some nights it consumes you, other nights it is bearable. You have negative thoughts racing through your mind at lightning speed and you have to have the courage and strength to squash those thoughts with all your might it seems some nights. 

Praise God for my strong will to live after that horrible experience of long ago...seems like another lifetime to me. I still struggle and I don't burden those with my feelings who think I am some kind of "attention seeking soul" or "drama induced person" with what I am going through in the moment. I talk to God, I blog, I bake I turn to friends who I know I can trust. I look at my children and think "boy, what would they do without me"...that alone keeps me here on this earth....no matter how hard the struggle. 

I am sharing this with all of you, because it is a disease and the sad part is, nobody really cares until someone famous dies, while the not so famous suffer in silence...still looking for someone to "just listen", because it's not being selfish it's feeling alone, even if you are surrounded by fifty people, or being alone..at night with thoughts that are so overwhelming you start to cry, scared and feeling like there is no other way. So that phone call you ignored, or that email you deleted, or that meet up for coffee you decided to cancel, might be the one thing that will keep someone from ending it all if you just answer or meet up. The one thing people with depression need is someone to listen to them...with support, encouragement and love. Just one conversation can make a big difference to someone with depression. 

 Believe me, I know.

Instead of the common drug-addict looking for their next "fix" you are instead looking for a way to go peacefully to end the pain. In my case, I had sent my two older children to live with my parents, and my two younger ones at the time were with their father. And I was tired of fighting, tired of feeling like a worthless failure, I disappointed my parents and most importantly let down my children with the choices I had made at that time in my life...to move here...with a man I loved and trusted....to end up homeless and scared and without any family and a spittle of friends.

I had just got done talking to my ex. I was screaming and cussing at him. Next thing I know, I'm staring at a bottle of Percocet I had for pain management(kidney stones). Something in me snapped and I said to myself, "Screw this, I'm done." I consumed 12 of those suckers in record timing and next thing I know I'm calling him back and screaming into the phone some more. Then I hung up. Then I started getting loopy. Then, a friend of mine saw me crying and called the EMT's. Next thing I know she is throwing me into the shower and yelling at me to stop this right now. My kids need their mother. 

I told her I just wanted to die. 

I got angry.

I swore at her and she swore right back at me.

The paramedics came and when we got to the hospital, as I lay in that cold hospital hallway on the stretcher, the stupid Paramedic says to me, "Bet you'll never do something this stupid again." Steve....you're an asshole. I can say that now, you are. I will remember your name until the day I die. You do not deserve to be in the line of helping people, especially people who need saving.

Go be a drill sergeant or work on Hell's Kitchen.  I hope nobody in your life ever faced down the demons of depression. And if they did, I hope you weren't the one they called when they needed someone to talk to.

God help them.

To those of you out there who have no idea what depression is like, go sit in a room and turn off the tv and start nit picking at all the things in your life you've done wrong, keep repeating those things in your head over and over and over and over. Next, realize that you are alone. You have all those thoughts in your head and now you are alone with them keeping you company. It's scary. It's overwhelming and it makes you feel worthless and like a failure. And no matter how many times people tell you how smart, funny and beautiful you are, one of those evil thoughts come crashing in to squash those positive thoughts in a matter of seconds.

Depression is real.

It isn't someone trying to seek attention or have people give them a huge pity party. It's someone who is feeling worthless, despondent, and like their life has no meaning. Like they are pushing a giant boulder of emotions up a steep hill to the top of the mountain, but they never make it there. Instead, they stop pushing and let the boulder roll them over.

Usually they are people-pleasers; trying so hard to please their boss, or their parents or their friends or their children.  When they don't reach the sometimes unrealistic expectations they have for their life they feel like complete and utter failures.

They come in all shapes, colors, all ages, all social and economic groups. They try so hard and when things don't fall into place as they should, they give up trying and end it all.

It's sad but true. 

So just take time out of your busy day to check up on that friend who just lost their job, or their husband or that friend who just doesn't seem as perky as they normally are.  Have a cup of coffee with them, share a funny story. Suggest they seek counseling and tell them you will join them if they need the support.

REACH OUT.

I'm so glad that I still have the strength to live another day. I get to see another game, another memory can be made with my children, and even my granddaughter, and who knows my story just might help someone have the strength to make it "just one more day".

Monday, August 11, 2014

Don't Move!!

Yes, I am still around.

I've been busy lately and haven't had much time to blog. I'm waiting for my clothes to dry, so I figured, "what the heck, let me blog a little as I wait here".  

Not much is going on around here.  

We had a meeting with a scorpion on our living room carpet last Saturday.



That was fun.

Not really, that's sarcasm. I was going to shut off our living room lamp and as I walked across the floor in my BARE feet I happened to look down and noticed something on the floor. At first I thought it was one of the kids' toys. I asked the kids, "Hey, is this a toy?" They come running over and sure enough, it wasn't a toy.  But it just sat there, staring at our feet.  

Not moving an inch.

I went into panic mode. 

The boys were like, "Cooool, mom!" and I was telling them, "BACK UP!" I got a Ziploc container(one that could hold a whole meat loaf if I needed to do that) and threw it over that thing.  Then we were trying to figure out what to do with it. My daughter was shrieking and saying "Mommy I am scared!" I told her to throw on my shoes by the door and she went outside, she was peering around the door frame every so often while I stood in my kitchen, cell phone in hand, my nervous fingers tried to type in "How to kill a scorpion" on my phone.  Needless to say, I now know the feeling of those people in those horror movies who try to put a key in a hole or dial 911. 

I couldn't type fast enough and when I did type I hit the wrong letters. 

Then my phone wouldn't load the pages. 

*insert theme from any horror movie here*

It's tail was wiggling all over and it flipped over on it's back a few times. *squirms just thinking about it*

I found results for vinegar, the neighbor told us to use salt around the container, finally I found something....use a knife and stab that sucker as hard as you can.

So I got the biggest bread knife I could find, and my son said he would do the honors. So as I stood next to him so he didn't injure himself, he pierced the top of the container and stabbed that thing to death.  Then he flicked it into the container and took it outside where he and his older twin brother were just mesmerized by this thing. 

I just wanted it gone, and so did my daughter.

I kept on telling them, "Just leave it out there! Throw the container out and leave that thing out there!"  

Boys and bugs are hard to part let me tell you.

They ooo'd at the size of it and awed at it's tail being cut off. 

Yeah, I was just glad it was gone.

We couldn't sleep for a while after that.  

I had gotten a new bed that day.  I'm thinking it had sneaked in with the bed, hitched a ride.

It hitched a ride with the beetle I found.

Yeah, I was all excited I got this new queen size bed from a friend's boyfriend, and when I went to make the bed,  there in the middle of my new bed was this beetle, a shiny golden beetle just hanging out on MY bed. I was not happy and went to get a broom to kill it. I smashed it(or so I did) and killed it, and flicked it with the broom onto the floor. I grabbed this dip-size Rubbermaid container and threw it over that bug. When I lifted it to remove it and toss it out, that stupid bug moved. 

Yeah, it moved. 

Almost as if to say, "I am invincible!"

So I killed it....again.

This time it was dead.  My boys came in and told me what kind of beetle it was then they tossed it out for me. 

Don't know what I would do if I had a houseful of girls.

We'd still be staring at that thing. 

I was talking to a woman at work about our experience. She said she found a scorpion on her ceiling. Called her hubby at work, then stared at that thing for the hour or so until he came home to get it.  She said it was like her and that scorpion had a staring contest with one another.

She didn't move.

At all.

This is what living in the desert is like.  

Personally, I'll take the chances of west nile with a midwest mosquito, then deal with any of these critters.

As I was driving home the other night, I could swear I saw a rat scurry across in front of my car as I was driving.

Seriously Nature, stay in your own home. I have my home, and you have yours.

That's my week summed up in one blog.

I've seen and heard the locusts, had my share of nasty bugs in my home, I'm done with this...someone pack my bags and send me and my kids back to Indiana.

PLEASE.

Hope you are having a good start to your week. 

It's time for me to get ready for work.

Have a great week everyone!









Sunday, July 27, 2014

The Not-So-Pretty Part of Parenting 101

*disclaimer: this is a bit graphic in nature here.  Being a parent, there are times that we have things that aren't "So pretty" that happen with our children, things that happen that you laugh about later.  I have written in a humorous format, but I highly suggest you not read this if you are eating*  You've been warned. LOL

Good Morning!

I've been missing a bit here for a while, because, well....life happened. It's been crazy busy at work and I won't even go into detail for fear I'd get fired if I shared the random drama that hit me last week in our classroom. I'll just say, I miss my regular coworker, who is on vacation for ten more working days, and I swear I am going to bake her a pie when she returns just to let her know how much I appreciate working with her. She is the yin to my yang, the peanut butter to my jelly.

Let's just say she and I work so well together.

The sub and I?  

Not so much.

I did my best to be kind, cordial and mentor her the best I could. 

It didn't work very well, and that's all I'll say on the matter.

Again...because I love my job and refuse to get fired because I vented about certain things that happened last week. We had some funny moments, however, about 85% of our moments together weren't so funny.

So here I am on a Sunday morning, drinking my coffee and waiting for laundry to wash and dry so I can get ready for church. I ordered a bible for my daughter and it's suppose to be in today, can't wait to pick it up later and give it to her. I think I was more excited than she was when it came in. 
 

Here's a story for me to share: A child I know(It's hilarious now because he's okay) decided to stick a foreign object up his nose.  Yeah, let's just say it didn't phase him much because when he got back from the doc's office the following day, he was grinning from ear to ear telling me he went to the hopsital(yeah that's not a typo...he said it just like that).

I shared my "nose stories" with the dad. Let's just say, that as parents we all have a few "what were you thinking moments" or "not-so-pretty moments"  in our lifetime with our children. Turns out there are some I'd much rather forget. 

Like the time my oldest told me he took a dare when someone told him to eat gum out of a friend's vomit on the ground at age 15, or the Nerf ball stuck up my youngest twins nose, that we had no idea was up there until a week later.   That was the most disgusting thing ever. He was about 3 or so, and he tore off a piece of a Nerf basketball and crammed it way up his nose(how it got that far up there I don't know...breathing in I suppose) anyway, took him to the doctor a week later, when his breath was starting to get deathly smelly. No joke. It literally stunk up our room at night. We couldn't figure out why.  It was gross. He kept picking at it.  Doctor couldn't see it at first, but then I said, "Hey, I think I see something!"  Took him to the ENT and that was a moment I'd much rather forget forever. Had to hold his arms down with everything in me while he sat straddled on my lap, facing the doctor screaming profusely that I'm surprised the windows didn't shatter, and the doctor pulled it out. 

He set it on the tray next to me, and I thought for sure I would lose my breakfast at that point.

*Hope your not eating yours while your reading this*

My youngest twin son has had his share of challenges pretty much. The day he was born, the doctor asked me what kind of music I liked and he put it on the radio in the surgery room as the nurses prepared me for my C-Section.  He removed my oldest twin and I heard the cries and I felt the tears come rolling down my cheeks as he presented the little guy to me for the first time.  He began to work on his younger brother, removing him from my body and after a few minutes of not hearing my son cry I asked them, "Why isn't he crying?" I couldn't see anything, and I remember his dad saying to me when we talked about it later, "That's when I started to worry."  They finally let us know that the cord had been wrapped around his neck. They eventually got him breathing again and I got to hear him cry and the doctor lifted him above the sheet for me to see him. It was at that moment they had informed me....that my son had peed on my belly....welcome to the world son and let me inform you for future reference, my belly button is not a urinal. *giggles*

Then there is the time my daughter puked in my hair. We had just laid down in bed, she was about four years old and she wasn't complaining about anything, wasn't hot to the touch when we went to bed, and all of a sudden I hear that noise and you know it's coming... 

It got in her hair, my hair, the bed, my chest, her chest, the sheets...I never shot up so fast in my life. If there was ever a category in the Olympics for "quickest run to the bathroom with a puking child" I'd of won the gold for sure. 

She had a trundle bed and her brother was sleeping on it and I grabbed her, literally hopped between her brother's sprawled out legs and sprinted holding her away from me heading to the bathroom toilet, which of course you know she was done at that point.  


So then I had to clean her up, mind you it's about 10:00 at night and I'm utterly exhausted from that day's activities. So I put her in the shower, "hose her down",  mind you I'm still covered in her recycled dinner and dessert, dry her off and set her in the bed with daddy in our room at the time.  Then I ran as fast as I could, peeling off my soiled clothing and washed my hair and body at least three times to make sure it was all out. 

The following day she was much better and we headed to the mall, when my fourth-born son decided he'd make it more fun and got sick at the mall. We tried to make it to the bathroom, but as luck would have it we made it as far as the Pizza place near the bathroom when he lost it. I had to find the cleaning crew and let them know what happened so they could clean it up.  I felt bad for all those folks in the food court who witnessed that event that day.

I didn't see anything on the news about "Mass-vomiting incident at local mall...story at ten". So I guess nobody noticed or didn't care.

It's true, parenting is a tough gig.  There are some good things and not so good things that happen along the way.

I am amazed at how we all survive the trials and tribulations of parenthood some days.

But despite all the drama, all the sleepless nights, all the sickness and the bad attitudes, what makes it worth it is when you see your children get their A/B honor roll certificate, or perfect attendance award, or they hit the baseball out to the middle of center field, or make the winning touchdown, or your daughter does her own hair for the first time, or she buys her first pair of fake nails on her own at 9 years old; you enjoy those moments. And all the bad, nasty, drama-laden moments take a back seat for the time being.

Like the calm before the storm.

And when you walk into their room at night, readjust the blankets, kiss them on the forehead and tell them you love them again, even though they can't hear you(or maybe they do) and they are sound asleep and everything is calm and serene.

All the madness is just a memory.

A funny memory....

...that you hope someday will make them giggle when they retell the story to their children. 



 

 

Sunday, July 20, 2014

A Letter To My Children

*I have always wanted to write a letter to my children. Every time I try something comes up. I finally had time, so I wrote it. I just want to make sure that if, God forbid, something bad would ever happen to me, my children would have some type of closure and know how much I love them."

Dear Children:

You know how much I love you. I loved you so much from the day you took your first breath.  I know that I have made many mistakes, and for those I am truly sorry. I want you to know that I have asked for God's forgiveness for all I have done wrong, and I ask you too, to forgive me.

Some lessons I want to share with you.

#1  Things won't always go your way in life. You need to be strong, much stronger than I have been, in making choices in your life.  

#2  Don't follow the crowd. Be your own person. Stand up for those who may not have the courage to stand up for themselves.  You are amazing human beings and I know you are strong and loving individuals. 

#3  Get along with each other.  You don't know how much time you have with one another, learn to love and not hate. 

#4  Read God's word. Most important of all these rules and most of these life lessons/rules are shared in God's word.  When you are sad, pray and read the bible, when you are happy, pray and give thanks, when you are angry...stop, breathe, and pray. Listen for God's voice, he will guide you. I promise.

#5  Treat your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse with respect.  A man is not suppose to belittle or boss around a woman. Tell her she looks beautiful every day. And to my daughter, don't let a man control you. Be financially independent so you aren't forced to rely on a man for help or anyone....ever.

#6  Remember to always respect your elders. Even if they don't deserve it....show them respect.  Maybe they aren't having the greatest day and just listening to them rant or holding a door open for them(even if they don't say thank you) will brighten their day.

#7  Help others.  Don't brag or boast about it, just do it...humbly. Don't expect anything in return, do it out of love and compassion not for reward or for acknowledgement.  

#8  Stay away from drugs and alcohol. Don't smoke. Don't harm your bodies with anything immoral or unnatural. Your body belongs to God, you need to respect it because of that very reason.  Don't have sex until marriage. Even if you don't abide by this I still love you, no matter what.

#9  Do your best. No matter what failures come along your way, do your best in everything you do.  I was taught in church that our jobs, our family life and our daily actions should be done so they are pleasing to the Lord. Just remember to give it your best and God (and I as well) will smile.

#10  Listen. I mean, listen when someone is talking to you. I know it's tempting to want to interject your thoughts or opinions, but sometimes all people want you to do is listen to them. When they are finished speaking, speak to them in a non-condescending tone and with compassion. If someone is angry at you, try your hardest not to reply in anger. Say "I feel like (feeling) when you say(what they say)".  Never use physical force to make someone do what you want. Never beat a woman. Nor should you, daughter, be struck by a man...EVER.

Most importantly, love one another.  This goes somewhat with #3, but truly, truly love one another. 

To my oldest:  You are a gifted young man. I love you so much. No matter what failures in life have come upon you, you are a wonderful person and you can have all that you deserve. Your failures do not DEFINE you. You have such a gift with the written word and spoken word. As I've always told you, you my son, should be a lawyer. You have a way to convince people that fact may not always be so.  Call it "making people second guess themselves". LOL But do right with that gift. You have the potential to be an amazing father....don't let fear stand in the way of that. You are loved. Your daughter loves you. She always will. No matter what. I love you no matter what.

To my second born:  You have a witty sense of humor. Work on your communication skills when it comes to talking on the phone( ha ha.) You are such a gifted person and with your computer knowledge I can see you owning a computer company some day.  And yes, you will marry a wonderful woman some day as well. She is out there, she is just finding her way to you I am sure. You will be an amazing husband and father some day. Love that woman with every fiber of your being, and never ever go to bed angry.  Talk to her, talk to your children and remind them how much you really love them.

To my third son: You are an amazing child. I am so sorry for the mistakes I have made which caused us to live so far apart. This applies to your older brothers as well. But it breaks my heart every time I want to talk to you in person and I can't or hug you or take care of you when you are sick. You will be an amazing father and husband. You have a strong gift of compassion and love. It surrounds you. Continue to follow God's word and who knows you may be called to minister in a church someplace else.  Do well in your college studies (which I know you will) and you will go far in life. 

To my fourth son:  You are an amazing blessing. Your happiness and the joy that radiates from you is inspiring and contagious. Despite all the hospitals and doctors you have visited in your life, you have a wonderful personality. You go ahead and continue to play with Barbies and those things that people label "girly". Be yourself son.  There is nothing wrong with a boy doing that, just as there is nothing wrong with girls throwing a football or playing with hot wheels or being a mechanic.  Some day, you will make a wonderful father and husband, because of your love and imagination.  I am so sorry we live so far apart. I cry some nights when I hear your cries asking me, "When I grow up, can I live with you?" Of course son, anytime. 

To my fifth son:  You have a very willful personality. But I believe that some day you will find God and you will be a leader in some fashion. I hope that you will guide people in a positive direction, perhaps working with troubled youth, or helping in the church or maybe you'll be a quarterback on a major NFL team. You have a colorful personality and with your wit and wisdom you can engage others in listening to what you have to say.  Do it gently.  Do not be bossy or rude to others. Respect women. Open doors for them and pull their chair out for them. Chivalry still does exist, despite the women's movement.  You are wonderful. I DO love you, I know you don't believe me with all the rules I have but I have rules because I love you and I need to protect you.  Tame your anger, put all those feelings into words...write a poem, a song, or a book.  Take your anger out on the field. Use it positively and not negatively. Things won't always go your way in life, but that's okay, sometimes things that we think are bad, turn out to be blessings in disguise.

To my sixth son:  You are a blessing(all of you are), but you have a unique gift of compassion.  You think of others and I know you have a heart of gold son. Follow your heart and give to others whatever gifts you can share. You are an amazing writer and artist. You have such a gift in the creative arts. If that is  your dream, go for it. Yes you are a twin, and that is a bond you can never break, but you are also an individual, follow your heart and not what others want you to do. Love dearly and give freely.  

To my daughter:  You are so special to me. A gift from God no doubt. As much as I love your brothers I was grateful to have you come into my life. You blessed me.  You are a wonderful child full of love, compassion and honesty. You enjoy reading God's word, you try to show kindness to others, even when they don't deserve it. You have an amazing heart. You also have a gift with writing and drawing. Use those gifts and perhaps someday you will be a famous writer or children's book author. Or maybe Gymnastics will be your calling. You try so hard to do what is asked of you. Do your best baby girl. No matter how hard trials in life may be, you will definitely succeed at whatever you do, so long as you never give up. Don't settle. Don't settle for a man who treats you poorly, don't settle for a job you aren't happy in, don't settle for anything. 

To my granddaughter: Busha loves you with every fiber of my heart and soul. You will have peace in your life, your parents love you dearly and will be with you again. I believe this, as I pray to God every night for healing for all of you. Be strong sweet child, and do your best in school, life and work. You have a beautiful heart and some day you will be a beautiful mother and wife.  Hold on to values and morals and don't let anyone make you feel that you are not important or need to be respected. You are loved. God loves you and I love you. 

Finally, to all my children, look to God for guidance. He is there. My favorite bible passage is this: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". Remember that.  In your darkest hours, read Psalm 23, 91 or 40.  Those are some of my favorites.

And finally, remember that I wrote this entire blog so that some day you would have something to read and remember some funny (and not so funny)times in our life. To share with your children and their children. Print this out, to read when the power goes out or you lose your internet.  You will find some giggles in here along the way.

I love you all so very much. You all were my greatest blessings.  I apologize for anything I have done wrong and I hope you will forgive me.  I never thought I'd end up here, in Nevada, but apparently that was where God needed or wanted me to be. 

I know some day we will all be together. If not on earth then in Heaven. 

Do your best children, and I promise you God will do the rest.

With much love,

Mommy