*I have always wanted to write a letter to my children. Every time I try something comes up. I finally had time, so I wrote it. I just want to make sure that if, God forbid, something bad would ever happen to me, my children would have some type of closure and know how much I love them."
You know how much I love you. I loved you so much from the day you took your first breath. I know that I have made many mistakes, and for those I am truly sorry. I want you to know that I have asked for God's forgiveness for all I have done wrong, and I ask you too, to forgive me.
Some lessons I want to share with you.
#1 Things won't always go your way in life. You need to be strong, much stronger than I have been, in making choices in your life.
#2 Don't follow the crowd. Be your own person. Stand up for those who may not have the courage to stand up for themselves. You are amazing human beings and I know you are strong and loving individuals.
#3 Get along with each other. You don't know how much time you have with one another, learn to love and not hate.
#4 Read God's word. Most important of all these rules and most of these life lessons/rules are shared in God's word. When you are sad, pray and read the bible, when you are happy, pray and give thanks, when you are angry...stop, breathe, and pray. Listen for God's voice, he will guide you. I promise.
#5 Treat your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse with respect. A man is not suppose to belittle or boss around a woman. Tell her she looks beautiful every day. And to my daughter, don't let a man control you. Be financially independent so you aren't forced to rely on a man for help or anyone....ever.
#6 Remember to always respect your elders. Even if they don't deserve it....show them respect. Maybe they aren't having the greatest day and just listening to them rant or holding a door open for them(even if they don't say thank you) will brighten their day.
#7 Help others. Don't brag or boast about it, just do it...humbly. Don't expect anything in return, do it out of love and compassion not for reward or for acknowledgement.
#8 Stay away from drugs and alcohol. Don't smoke. Don't harm your bodies with anything immoral or unnatural. Your body belongs to God, you need to respect it because of that very reason. Don't have sex until marriage. Even if you don't abide by this I still love you, no matter what.
#9 Do your best. No matter what failures come along your way, do your best in everything you do. I was taught in church that our jobs, our family life and our daily actions should be done so they are pleasing to the Lord. Just remember to give it your best and God (and I as well) will smile.
#10 Listen. I mean, listen when someone is talking to you. I know it's tempting to want to interject your thoughts or opinions, but sometimes all people want you to do is listen to them. When they are finished speaking, speak to them in a non-condescending tone and with compassion. If someone is angry at you, try your hardest not to reply in anger. Say "I feel like (feeling) when you say(what they say)". Never use physical force to make someone do what you want. Never beat a woman. Nor should you, daughter, be struck by a man...EVER.
Most importantly, love one another. This goes somewhat with #3, but truly, truly love one another.
To my oldest: You are a gifted young man. I love you so much. No matter what failures in life have come upon you, you are a wonderful person and you can have all that you deserve. Your failures do not DEFINE you. You have such a gift with the written word and spoken word. As I've always told you, you my son, should be a lawyer. You have a way to convince people that fact may not always be so. Call it "making people second guess themselves". LOL But do right with that gift. You have the potential to be an amazing father....don't let fear stand in the way of that. You are loved. Your daughter loves you. She always will. No matter what. I love you no matter what.
To my second born: You have a witty sense of humor. Work on your communication skills when it comes to talking on the phone( ha ha.) You are such a gifted person and with your computer knowledge I can see you owning a computer company some day. And yes, you will marry a wonderful woman some day as well. She is out there, she is just finding her way to you I am sure. You will be an amazing husband and father some day. Love that woman with every fiber of your being, and never ever go to bed angry. Talk to her, talk to your children and remind them how much you really love them.
To my third son: You are an amazing child. I am so sorry for the mistakes I have made which caused us to live so far apart. This applies to your older brothers as well. But it breaks my heart every time I want to talk to you in person and I can't or hug you or take care of you when you are sick. You will be an amazing father and husband. You have a strong gift of compassion and love. It surrounds you. Continue to follow God's word and who knows you may be called to minister in a church someplace else. Do well in your college studies (which I know you will) and you will go far in life.
To my fourth son: You are an amazing blessing. Your happiness and the joy that radiates from you is inspiring and contagious. Despite all the hospitals and doctors you have visited in your life, you have a wonderful personality. You go ahead and continue to play with Barbies and those things that people label "girly". Be yourself son. There is nothing wrong with a boy doing that, just as there is nothing wrong with girls throwing a football or playing with hot wheels or being a mechanic. Some day, you will make a wonderful father and husband, because of your love and imagination. I am so sorry we live so far apart. I cry some nights when I hear your cries asking me, "When I grow up, can I live with you?" Of course son, anytime.
To my fifth son: You have a very willful personality. But I believe that some day you will find God and you will be a leader in some fashion. I hope that you will guide people in a positive direction, perhaps working with troubled youth, or helping in the church or maybe you'll be a quarterback on a major NFL team. You have a colorful personality and with your wit and wisdom you can engage others in listening to what you have to say. Do it gently. Do not be bossy or rude to others. Respect women. Open doors for them and pull their chair out for them. Chivalry still does exist, despite the women's movement. You are wonderful. I DO love you, I know you don't believe me with all the rules I have but I have rules because I love you and I need to protect you. Tame your anger, put all those feelings into words...write a poem, a song, or a book. Take your anger out on the field. Use it positively and not negatively. Things won't always go your way in life, but that's okay, sometimes things that we think are bad, turn out to be blessings in disguise.
To my sixth son: You are a blessing(all of you are), but you have a unique gift of compassion. You think of others and I know you have a heart of gold son. Follow your heart and give to others whatever gifts you can share. You are an amazing writer and artist. You have such a gift in the creative arts. If that is your dream, go for it. Yes you are a twin, and that is a bond you can never break, but you are also an individual, follow your heart and not what others want you to do. Love dearly and give freely.
To my daughter: You are so special to me. A gift from God no doubt. As much as I love your brothers I was grateful to have you come into my life. You blessed me. You are a wonderful child full of love, compassion and honesty. You enjoy reading God's word, you try to show kindness to others, even when they don't deserve it. You have an amazing heart. You also have a gift with writing and drawing. Use those gifts and perhaps someday you will be a famous writer or children's book author. Or maybe Gymnastics will be your calling. You try so hard to do what is asked of you. Do your best baby girl. No matter how hard trials in life may be, you will definitely succeed at whatever you do, so long as you never give up. Don't settle. Don't settle for a man who treats you poorly, don't settle for a job you aren't happy in, don't settle for anything.
To my granddaughter: Busha loves you with every fiber of my heart and soul. You will have peace in your life, your parents love you dearly and will be with you again. I believe this, as I pray to God every night for healing for all of you. Be strong sweet child, and do your best in school, life and work. You have a beautiful heart and some day you will be a beautiful mother and wife. Hold on to values and morals and don't let anyone make you feel that you are not important or need to be respected. You are loved. God loves you and I love you.
Finally, to all my children, look to God for guidance. He is there. My favorite bible passage is this: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". Remember that. In your darkest hours, read Psalm 23, 91 or 40. Those are some of my favorites.
And finally, remember that I wrote this entire blog so that some day you would have something to read and remember some funny (and not so funny)times in our life. To share with your children and their children. Print this out, to read when the power goes out or you lose your internet. You will find some giggles in here along the way.
I love you all so very much. You all were my greatest blessings. I apologize for anything I have done wrong and I hope you will forgive me. I never thought I'd end up here, in Nevada, but apparently that was where God needed or wanted me to be.
I know some day we will all be together. If not on earth then in Heaven.
Do your best children, and I promise you God will do the rest.
With much love,
Sunday, July 20, 2014
*I have always wanted to write a letter to my children. Every time I try something comes up. I finally had time, so I wrote it. I just want to make sure that if, God forbid, something bad would ever happen to me, my children would have some type of closure and know how much I love them."
Posted by Barb at 8:02 AM
Monday, July 14, 2014
I had a very productive day today. I actually got to work a half an hour early. Everyone at work was shocked to see me so early. I said, "No, the world is not ending, I just don't have my kids this week." With school out they go to grandma's on dad's week with them.
It's a bit of a break, but I do miss them.
It's so quiet around here. Other than the birds and the roaring of the fan in the apartment there is not much else going on here. I'm munching on some popcorn shrimp from Popeye's. The manager gave me a sample of the one that is on sale this week/month it was 4.99 for a side, biscuit and this blackened pepper shrimp. I think that's what it's called. It's a bit on the spicy side. When I tried it, I didn't really feel the "oomph!" of the breading until I already placed my order. It's got a bit of a kick to it here. I just drown it in the ranch dip and it seems to take the edge off the shrimp's spiciness. Is that spelled right?? Spiciness?? I am not getting a spell check on that, perhaps I should spell check the spell check.
Then I headed to the store to get some coffee. There was a man outside who asked for a quarter. It's hotter than hell out there, so I went in and came back with two waters and a Mucho Mango Arizona tea. He was drinking one and so I got him another. He had a walker and he was burnt to a crisp dark skinned, maybe he was white at one time, but he looked like he spent a good long day in the hot desert sun. Anyway, he looked a bit tattered and I don't judge folks who ask for money, nor do I question their intentions when I give them money or drinks or stuff like that. God puts people in our lives from time to time and like that movie Bruce Almighty, you never know who that homeless or broken person really is. That song "What if God was one of us? Just a stranger on a bus...?? La la la la la..." is going through my head now (Is it going through your head now too?).
So I handed him the bag and the 51 cents I received for change from my purchases and he says to me, "Bless you." I say to him, "God Bless You."
He opened the bag as I got into my car and I heard him say, "Holy Shit! Holy Shit!" He looks at me as I am about to shut the door and says, "Thank you! Thank you so much!!" Two waters and an ice tea make a man's day and I complain when I have to pay more for gas on any given day. At least I have a car and tons of water in the trunk of it. Thank you Lord, for that car and the money to purchase the water.
His reaction really put my life into perspective.
This man got completely excited over something I take for granted every day....cold drinking water.
Please don't ever think that you are not blessed. We all are blessed in some way, shape or form. Maybe you lost your job, maybe you lost a husband, maybe you lost a leg in a car accident or a war. If you are reading this, you are blessed. Because you either have a) a roof over your head and enough money for internet use or b) a cell phone, even if you have no home to read this. The internet and cell phone are not my point though, there are other blessings. Despite whatever your circumstances are, you have life. You have either your family/children/friends for support. Every day is a gift from God and we all have to appreciate that gift. Give thanks for that gift. And give as well, whether it's financially to your church or community, or in the form of volunteering or....simply buying water for a homeless person in the 110 degree heat.
I am not sharing this story to "brag", but rather to hopefully nudge a few folks reading this out there to get off their hineys and help a few folks once in a while. I'm not rich by any means, I live paycheck to paycheck, but I can afford to help a few people out a few times anyway.
The blessings will come forth when you give from your heart.
So the next time that person asks you for spare change, don't tell them, "Get a job loser!" or just walk past as though you never heard or saw them. Smile and if you don't feel comfortable giving money, go get them a sandwich at McDonald's, or a water and some chips from the gas station, or just a water if you really can't afford anything else.
It's been a long day.
I need to go read my bible.
It's time for my time with God here now.
Have a good week!
Posted by Barb at 7:45 PM
Sunday, July 13, 2014
I'm listening to this 30 minute seminar on Focus on the Family.
It's called "Encouragement for the Single Life". It's a pretty good message here. It's a woman by the name of Cheryl Martin speaking at a women's conference about, well, being single.
I always thought I'd be happily married, living in a nice home with my husband and children and doing things wives and mothers do for their families. Unfortunately, my life took a different route. I made choices that weren't exactly favorable to attain that happy home life with a husband and my children.
I tried the online dating route. That didn't pan out all that well. I'll be honest, I'm not really looking to date. Probably because there is so much going on in my life right now, no man would want to deal with it anyway. I need a strong man who has God in his life. A man who can handle some very energetic kids and won't beat the crap out of them either; and he can't drink or do drugs. Anyone else simply won't do.
And if God turns out to be the only man in my life, well I'm fine with that too. It's strange because it doesn't bother me anymore that I am single.
It's kind of nice actually. Peaceful for the most part.
Anyway, that guy I met online, hasn't emailed me since I messaged him over a week ago saying that I was happy to find a family of God's followers that I enjoy fellowship with after he made a comment about me "jumping in with two feet" into church. Guess that was too much for him to handle or something. He's a nice guy, just not someone who wants a Christian woman who is serious about her faith.
Work has been fun for the most part. My partner in crime(*giggles*) I mean the other teacher is leaving on a vacation. I told her she better come back or I'll hunt her down and drag her back to work. She keeps saying she wants to find something else, but we both laugh when we say that to each other because we know we aren't going anywhere else.
For me personally, I love my job, sure some days can be very stressful, but for the most part it's a good gig. And not too many jobs let you bring your kids to work. And not too many bosses are understanding when your kids are puking everywhere and you have to call in sick...because you are cleaning up after them and tending to their sickness and then you get it the following day.
One week I was out for four days. My kids all got the flu, then I got it at the end of the week. Started on a Thursday and lasted until that Monday when I finally got to leave work early that Monday afternoon. I slept like a baby that Monday, all I remember is that my head hit the couch and I was down for the count from 5 p.m. that Monday until 5 a.m. that Tuesday.
I felt like a new woman that Tuesday.
Best sleep I ever had.
These kids are hilarious. I have two that speak English and Spanish. When they don't listen to my direction in English I use Spanish to give direction. One little boy I will say "sientete por favor"(which means sit down please) and he will look at me and say(in English), "Okay", and he sits. Cracks me up every time.
Then we have a few kids who like to remove their shoes and socks, eat their hair ties, and sit with their feet hanging on the top of the backs of the chairs. I don't know how they balance so well, they should join the circus. Some though, aren't as fortunate as their peers and just as I'm about to tell them to sit right, they slide or flop right off those chairs onto the floor.
I had one girl who, at three years old, was very excited to show her mommy how bats sleep. She hugged her arms around her(like bats wings) and went to lean her head back to show mom that they sleep upside down, and lost her balance, and her head met the book shelf behind her.
I have one "Junior Teacher Assistant" who loves to help me. When nap time is over he is right there next to me with mats helping me stack them. Or he loves to collect the books, and when I give a direction to the children, he will repeat me like a little parrot pointing a finger and telling friends what to do sometimes as well. I have to look at him with a grin upon my face and I will say to him, "You are not the teacher. Only the teacher can give our friends directions." Then he grins at me and giggles.
My job is rewarding. True, it's nowhere near $15/hr but it pays the bills. I wish the minimum wage would be the same as Washington State. That would be awesome. But it's not. I did get a raise, so for that I am grateful.
My ex got my boys dirtbikes. I'm not a fan of those things...especially for two ten-year old boys who do not have the maturity to be on those things to begin with. They can't even be in the same room together without pounding each other around on occasion. Sure brothers fight, but they get upset over the silliest of things.
Last Friday I was late to work because of course the youngest twin took the front seat and my oldest twin wanted it. So we sat out in the car, in the early morning 90-degree heat and my oldest twin got out his phone and started playing games and my youngest son soon followed. So I was 20 minutes late because of that whole fiasco. I was so stressed. By the time I got to work, my hands started tingling, my chest hurt, and when I was walking into work I was wobbly. I felt like I was going to pass out. Then my hands started shaking and I was like, "Oh, no...GREAT!"
So embarrassing. My boss called me into her office as she was concerned for my well-being. My boys are still crawling like snails to the front door. My daughter had this look of worry on her poor face, and my boss asked me what was wrong. I said, "I'm sorry, I think I'm having a panic attack."
Next thing I know my boss is asking my permission to talk to my boys to correct their behavior. Sure, no problem. My oldest twin sat there with this smirk on his face and my youngest twin was looking at the floor. Neither wanted to acknowledge her. And when she told them, "Look! Look at your mother, there is no reason you should act this way. You know better than this. This is affecting her health. What would you do without your mother?"
My oldest twin replied, "We have our dad."
She told him that was not an acceptable response.
I felt crushed.
I shake my head, because I do not know what else I can do to save my boys from themselves. They are heading down a slippery slope when it comes to respecting adults and authority. If they don't fix this behavior it can lead to more serious consequences when they get older, and that scares me even more.
Anyway, I should go.
I have a living room to clean. Then I need to see if my children are attending church this evening with me. It's dad's week not mine.
Have a wonderful week.
I will try to post a little more this week....but no promises.
Posted by Barb at 3:32 PM
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
I have been busy in the real world these days, just trying to get through each day as it comes.
I have been to church now the past month, enjoying it with my children and the family I have come to know in the church. I am a transformed person. That's what a friend of mine has said to me, "You are transformed".
Even my kids notice a difference in me. My youngest twin son said to me the other day, "Mom, you're different. You're religious, not religious like Grandma, but religious." Made me giggle when he said that.
And I don't mind being called religious. I listen to Christian radio, watch Christian TV and read the word of God. I am still the same person, just have God in my life. And that doesn't mean that things are all cheerful and chipper, as a matter of fact I've noticed more trials since I found God than when I didn't have Him in my life. The pastor said in one of his sermons, that followers of God will find that there will be more obstacles, but God will bring you through them.
I assure you I haven't lost my sense of humor. I just felt the need to post a little more serious post than I usually do. I want you to understand where I stand when it comes to my faith. It isn't an easy road to walk on. But I know I'm not alone anymore. When times get crazy, I pray. When I have something that bothers me, I pray. When I want to find answers, I pray. When things get bad, I still praise God. I say thank you for the blessings I do have; healthy children, safe children, a roof over my head, a job, and a church that I love going to with some amazing people.
I had a situation with my boys yesterday, and God was clearly watching over them. Because my hearing isn't the greatest, yet I heard these kids across the parking lot talking about something going on and I heard as loud as day my oldest twin's name and my youngest twin's name. I bolted off the steps and walked across the lot in my bare feet no less, to where these kids were standing. I heard one of the kids say, "There's his mom."
There was a woman there talking to these children and my boys were accused of starting a disruption and throwing rocks at these four girls. The woman eventually got to the bottom of the story and what happened was the youngest of the girls threw the first rock, and my boys had tossed sand at them to get them away. My son then lifted a boulder to scare them away because they wouldn't stop bothering my boys. Which all the girls eventually admitted, and all kids, including mine, admitted their faults in this incident. Turns out some woman in the community who has no business telling other people's kids what to do went and told this poor little six-year old girl to approach my boys and tell them to stop playing in the area they were in. So all of this started because of that woman. Who had no business telling that little girl to go over there in the first place.
I met a new neighbor, and we all left with answers and a sense of relief.
First words out of my mouth as we were walking back home was, "Praise God I was outside when I was."
So yeah, I'm a follower of God. I read my bible. I talk about God without shame.
I enjoy the music too. I'm posting a video that I absolutely love the song, it makes me just want to get up and dance and you will find me in my car, when this song comes on, bopping around like I'm at a dance club.
The song is called Shackles(Praise Him). Listen to it. Go ahead. It's very uplifting. The words will resonate with you I'm sure as well.
I double dog dare ya. Go ahead, listen to it.
Quadruple dog dare.....*grins*
I have to get going. I'll fill you in on the rest of my week later. I have some funny things to share that the kids in my class have said and done.
You'll get a good giggle or two out of it.
Posted by Barb at 7:19 AM
Saturday, June 28, 2014
I'm just sitting here on a Saturday morning listening to my nieghbors arguing with someone while this person is banging on the door yelling at them from the other side.
Fun times in the hood I tell ya.
I call this the hood, it really isn't in THE HOOD per say, however, it feels like it most days. We had so many things happen in our neighborhood lately, and last year they managed to clean up the riff raff however, they found their way back this past spring. *sigh*
I'm heading out to get my hair cut in a little bit. After this whole lice fiasco, I do NOT want to have to deal with the drama of too much hair ever again. It's just hair, it will grow back again some day, BUT not that I will really want it to be the length it has been for the past four years or so. It was long, down to the middle of my back long and when the rancid takeover of our heads began three weeks ago, I chopped most of my locks off along with my daughter's. We both had shoulder length bob cuts. Best I could do without a hairstylist's certificate to my name.
I am kind of excited about the new do. Hopefully I will still look like a woman with short hair. I never liked short hair on me. My mom always has but I don't recall many children liking what their parents told them was good. For instance, my mom absolutely adored this guy who was a friend of mine. I would never date him specifically for that reason. I would find something that I didn't like and then somehow, some way, I would not give in to my random feelings of more than friendship for this guy.
Now he's married and has a really really good job and a nice house and the perfect family. Yay him I say.
I'm not going to be dating for a long time it looks like. I had a guy I met on that dating website, he was funny, very optimistic and just seemed like someone I could date eventually. We'd never met in person, had been talking a little over a month I believe, and he was fine with waiting until I was comfortable with meeting him some day. However, this stupid bug thing ruined that for me. I finally told him that although I enjoyed his conversation, that I'd understand if he never spoke to me again.
My inbox is still empty.
Because I just had a complete meltdown in my email to him. After serious thought I remembered this quote, "If you cannot handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
So that eased my mind a bit after I didn't hear from him. I'm sure there is someone out there for me, just wasn't him.
Not like I have time to date anyone anyway. Too much going on in my life right now. No guy has the patience for all this crap. And if a guy did, I'd marry him in a heartbeat and make the guy the happiest man on the planet for putting up with my tears, worries and frustrations.
Oh well, there are more fish floating around the sea of life here...somewhere....I'm sure. *shrugs*
Not a priority.
Right now my priorities are:
2. My kids
3. My job
4. Catching up on all the bills I am behind on because of the lost days of work due to "Head Infestations of 2014".
5. Finally being able to join the women's bible study at church and not pushing people away when they try to hug me.
The church folk where I belong are very huggy. I am not complaining, it's just that when you have had a head full of bugs the last thing you want to do is share them with a new found friend.
Are you scratching your head too?? You don't know how many people(a limited few I might add) who knew of my situation would be talking to me and were scratching their heads. At least they were cracking up about it and not treating me like I had cooties.
So glad to be done with this crap.
Good riddance I say.
Well, that's all I've got for now. Just want to enjoy my weekend. Been a few weeks since I've been able to do that. I can't wait to get some normalcy back in our lives again.
Have a great weekend.
I'll try and get back again this weekend if I can.
Posted by Barb at 6:44 AM
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Don't fall off your chairs now.
Brand new hair tie.
I hit a dark spot in my life. I was at an all time low. Thoughts were swirling around in my head, that surely were the devil....I felt like my life had no meaning or purpose anymore; I was single with 3 kids left at home, broke as could be, and had a head full of evil nasty bugs that would not leave me alone. Why oh why do I even bother anymore??
He is a Godly comedian who gets the bible across in a hilarious way.
Have a good day!
Posted by Barb at 7:25 AM
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
I've been gone for a bit here.
Life has been happening around me these days.
Drama soon followed.
It's been "fun". (attach sarcasm to that comment please)
I originally took my blog down to "pretty it up" a bit, make a few changes, add some gadgets and what not. However, last week the horror of all horrors when one has grade school children hit with a vengeance and is still tormenting us to this day.
Yep, that's right. Those smarmy little bastards, pardon my french, but they are just that. They have invaded our heads and our home. I will never visit another movie theater again, because I do believe that is where this suckers came from.
Let me give you the background on this. About two weeks ago, my daughter and I were itching furiously on a Sunday after a football game. I had just assumed the sun had burnt us badly on top of our heads and didn't even think to check for the critters. We went a whole week of not checking, until the following week my ex informed me by Wednesday that the boys had been scratching too.
So my daughter proceeds to tell me last Friday she saw a bug in her head. She tried pulling it out. I thought it was dry skin. I went to Wally World and picked up four kits because as any mother can tell you, despite all denial of "this can't be head lice", deep down inside you know the real deal when your kid is pulling dry skin(er, umm lice) from her head.
Then began the treatments. It has been one hell-ridden week of laundering sheets, pillows, comforters, vacuuming couches and floors and organizing. I'll tell you right now, if you ever want to get motivated to REALLY organize your home, this will do it for you. I guarantee that. I stayed up until 2:30 that first night, combing all four of our heads after the shampoo treatments. I was crying. I couldn't believe we got this. Where? How?? Why us? Lice thrive on clean hair, damn you daily showers and personal hygiene!
So one day of work missed.
Monday rolls along and still some bugs. My daughter still has live bugs so I take her to the pediatrician. She can't find anything and said that they were probably dying, clears her for school. Boys are cleared and we head to the office as we were late. Get to school, the nurse gives the boys a green light, my daughter on the other hand apparently still had nits.
How'd the doc with a PhD miss that one? I was not happy.
Again, Monday night same deal as the night before. Laundering pillows, vacuuming, checking heads with the combs, long night ahead and finally in bed by the time I do my head at 2:45.
Two days and barely six hours of sleep total.
Tuesday and Wednesday are still the same deal pretty much. Wednesday I made an appointment so I could get my head checked and cleared and go back to work. I got a complete physical while I was at it too. Another story for another time there, things were found, worry set in. I'll talk about that another day, but right now it's these critters....
So I am excited to be able to go back to work. So far I have one day(Friday) to my name on my paycheck. I'm sick to my stomach because I have now lost 4 days on my check. How am I going to pay my bills? Right now I am still not thinking about that. I can't think about that, I wake up in the wee hours of the morning thinking about that. I have near panic attacks thinking about that.
Thursday rolls in and during Friday evening's comb through a live one was found on my youngest twin's head. I didn't even realize it was live. I had combed through, set the comb on the counter and went to boil the water for the combs and my son yells, "Mom it's moving!" Panic set in yet again and I run to the bathroom and my eyes which can barely see to begin with are straining to see the bug in the comb. Sure as hell, they were moving.
Damn bug. I rinse it in hot scalding water burning both my fingers and the bug as it went down the drain. I continued to comb through my son and the following morning a visit to the pediatrician came to order.
Another day of work, missed.
Took both boys, just to make sure. Oldest was cleared as was my youngest. I don't understand because it was ALIVE. I saw it! With my 44-yr old eyes I saw it move and my son, with his 10-yr old eyes saw it as well.
It's now 10 days after and I am still combing heads and got a break for a few days with them visiting dad this week, but I'm not taking any chances. Better to be safe than sorry. I will probably be nit-combing them til they graduate high school.
This is not fun.
I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
I'm not sure if I'm bug free. Friend at work thoroughly checked my scalp. Said I did a good job considering I did it solo. I told her it was me and God in that bathroom. Had to be, because there is no way I did this alone.
Just trying to figure out my house stuff now. Organizing and doing normal cleaning I would have done had this little **(&($_# 'S had not invaded our heads and homes.
Also had some medical tests done. Haven't seen a doc in 9 years. I'm afraid of what may come from her mouth next Wednesday when I go in for a follow up visit for the results.
I have to have "the girls" scanned...you know that lovely chest x-ray every woman loves having yearly. Never had one. Think I'll ask my neighbor to run my boobs over with his truck just to get a feel for what it will be like. Maybe desensitize the girls a little so they won't hurt in that machine so much.
Whatever happens, happens. Scared of a lot of things, being evicted, losing my electricity, what the tests may share, losing my mind, not paying my bills on time and ... lice...in no particular order do I fear these things.
So that is what is going on here.
Sorry no new gadgets. I have no time for gadgets. I barely had time to find the new background.
Buried under housework, and thankfully no longer bugs. *knock wood*
I went to church with a friend of mine. We'll see how this goes. Would love to believe in God, actually, I do believe in him, because without him and me calling him every five seconds after every comb through, I would not have survived this apocalyptic event in my life.
Will be back later. Maybe days or weeks later.
But I'll be back.
More to come....good things I hope.
Posted by Barb at 12:34 PM