Oh, The Tears....

The past couple of days have been very worrisome for me.    I've managed to "fake happiness" for the sake of my job and the kids in my room surprisingly, but truth be told I'm a mental mess in my head.    Something happened this week that affects my granddaughter and her sister. I won't go into detail at all about this, due to the legal nature of it,  except to say that I hope that things work out and they find happiness once again where they should.   I want to shake my son into soberness and make him wake up and grow up and get a grip on life and reality. However, this is not going to happen simply by the wave of my hand as if to brush fairy dust over the situation, nor will any amount of prayer matter either.  I've tried to help him so many times, even offered to let him stay with me and try to find a program to get him clean.
"He's not an addict," he says. "He has no problem with drugs," he says.
*throws hands in air*
It's like watching a train wreck in very slow motion take place.   I'm trying really really hard to keep it together here, and like I told my mother the other day on the phone "Worrying about it won't fix it either."
So I try not to worry about it, and just keep busy.
Thing is though, the weekend is coming and my three kids won't be here and it will be quiet and I will have time to think.  I already know what will happen:
1.  I will have a major cry fest no doubt.   2. I will try to figure out, in my head,  why what happened had happened.   3.  I will hope for a phone call from someone back home regarding this issue, if there is anything I can do to help or  in the hopes something good will come from all of this.   4.  I will still be waiting for that call come Monday morning.  A call that will probably never happen and have me worrying and crying even more.   I just sent my grandbaby and her sister a package for my grandbaby's birthday last week. Unfortunately she won't get it...   ...at least not for the time being.   That makes me want to cry even more.   But I won't.   I feel the tears in the front of my eyeballs right now.   But I won't cry, because if  I do I won't be able to stop it.   So I wait...   And hope...   And try so damn hard to remain positive and hope things work out for the best.   If you believe in positive energy, healing energy, prayer, whatever it is you call it....send some to my granddaughter and her family.   They need it more than you know.