An Early Evening Random Sunday Post

As you can tell from this photo, today was a very cloudy, lazy day.

I basically sat around all morning and afternoon and watched TV.  I did manage to do four loads of laundry, vacuum my dining room area finally as the bird feathers that had accumulated made it look as though a flock of birds had invaded my dining room floor near the bird cage.

I also organized my laundry room, folded AND put away all the clothes, except I just remembered I pulled my coat out to hang it on a hanger and forgot to put the rest of the laundry from the wash into the dryer.

Be right back.....

Don't go anywhere.....

Okay, I'm back, did ya miss me?

Probably not. I could have been gone for hours and you would never know.  Although I did do more than just put the laundry in the dryer, I made myself a salad with some imitation crab meat and ranch and garlic and cheese croutons.

Like you really care about what I had to eat today.

I think I need to stop eating.

No seriously, I need to cut back considerably and walk a little more.  Maybe even do some aerobics or something.  Well, maybe not aerobics, but some Yoga perhaps. I miss having the FitTv channel, I had that at my ex's house. I use to do the 20 minute ab workout with my daughter who was five at the time. I didn't have weights, so I would take a can of green beans for each hand and use those as weights. 

I remember one time my daughter went to the pantry and she tells me "Mommy there are no more green beans," as though it's the green beans that she needs to use verses (or is it versus?) any variety of vegetable in a can.

I told her just to grab the corn.

She was only five...remember that.

I also use to do the Namaste Yoga. That was the best. I am sure I could find it online somewhere I suppose, however, I hate watching "tv" on my computer. 

That summer I did that yoga and the abs workout, I lost 13 pounds. I was so damn proud of myself. I was looking good. I would take a walk around our little blow up 36 inch pool that we got and although I can't swim I can "float" across that small of an area of water. 

So I did that too.

I felt so good about myself that summer.

Then we went to my kids Tae Kwon Do class. They were three years old at the time, almost four. 

There were two rows of folding chairs.  I sat down in a folding chair in the front row of parents. I remember I was holding my daughter on my lap, when all of a sudden...out of nowhere...the chair collapsed and I could see up the nostrils of the guy behind me.

Needless to say, I was embarrassed and shocked that this even happened.

Thankfully I managed to cushion my daughter as we were sinking to the floor. My head hit the back of the chair and the man and his wife helped me and my daughter up off the floor.  I was grinning and tried to maintain my composure, but in all honesty I just wanted to run to the bathroom and cry.

I still couldn't believe that happened. After all the weight I lost, and I didn't need to lose much weight, just needed to lose some post-baby weight (two years later) that wouldn't let go of me. Clearly it was the fault of the chair manufacturer and not my newly revised body that was the reason for the malfunction.

It's funny now.

It's funny as hell.

But it wasn't when it happened.

So anyway, I didn't make a resolution this year. I never do. Those things are a waste of time if you ask me. And I don't diet either. I will never diet.  To me "diets" are a joke. Just choose to eat a little better or exercise more. Get your fat ass of the couch and go run or jog or walk.  That's what I am going to do, get my fat ass up and do something productive.

I don't believe in all these stupid weight loss programs that get richer while you eat like a bird and wish you had some fried chicken to go with that salad your eating.

Eat your fried chicken, just wash it down with water instead of soda. Or walk it off. Or P90X it off. Or Yoga it off.

I get tired of hearing people complaining about how many points some damn donut is, eat your donut, I'm not your judge or jury. I could care less if you eat it.  But that's why I don't diet, because I refuse to feel guilty for indulging in whatever I want to eat when I want to eat it. 

 I read in online  groups or hear it in person all these people trying to reason how they are going to "work off" the "extra points" they just consumed.

Life's to short to count points.

If I'm going to count points, it will be on my gas card to see how much I get off the next tank of gas.

Don't get me wrong here, I'm happy that there are programs out there that help those who truly need guidance and counseling to maintain a healthy weight. Maybe they have diabetes, maybe they are pre-disposed to being overweight or having a higher BMI.  God bless you.  Just please don't drag me into your dieting drama.

I.Don't.Care.

It's like me droning on about my personal life. Half the people don't care who I confess it to. So, I've stopped sharing with the half that doesn't care and only share with those who do.

See what I mean?

Maybe I sound like a bitch. 

Maybe I am one.

Do I care, what other people think of me?

Nope.

I use to.

Then I read something that changed my attitude. It's something I read in a book a co-worker gave me about people pleasing. Basically people-pleasers are always looking for validation. "Good Job Barbie!" with the little pat on the head, or "Thanks for driving all the way to the mall to pick up my dry cleaning and then stopping at Starbucks for my Chocolate Raspberry Chai Latte Frothy something or other". 

I'm done with the whole validation thingy.

You have people out there who thrive on their "power trips", manipulating others to get what they want(and they may "THINK" I don't know they are doing it, but I do) and they go around making the little people feeling even littler. After all the shit I've been through the past four years, I've come to realize that no matter who it is, even the most asshatiest of asshats can't make you feel inferior or unimportant unless you allow them to.

YOU(or me in this case) choose how to react to a situation. Be it a bad day at work, kids fighting, husband yelling about work, you decide how you will let that energy flow.

It can flow THROUGH you or AROUND YOU and you deflect that nasty crappiness back to the source.

I don't care what that person's title is; Husband, Wife, HOA president,  Doctor, Manager, Owner, Assistant, whatever their "big title" is, they have no right treating you as a second-class citizen.

I don't care if you clean toilets, if you work in a sewer, if you clean houses or apartments or hotel rooms, you are just as important as that person with the overly paid position and title.  I don't care if you are an unemployed man or woman, that working spouse of yours needs to respect you and if they begin to make you feel small or unimportant or unworthy, shut off those negative nasties and take control of your self-worth. 

 You are still at home cleaning house, making dinner and if you have children taking care of them as well. 

YOU ARE IMPORTANT!!

YOU MATTER!

YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN CHANGE HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF!

It's a very, very slow process, but I have also come to the realization that instead of trying to assert myself by attacking back, I simply nod and ignore whatever foolishness comes out of the mouths of those who think their doo doo smells like daisies.

(that's a nicer way of saying another phrase similar to what I just said)

I breathe, and I take a step back. 

I go to my happy place or I remember a joke or something funny that my kids at home or school said and I realize that it's going to be okay.

And 99.9% of the time it usually is.

Because one day that same person is going to realize when they say the wrong thing to the wrong person, just how much that title they bear doesn't really matter.

Maybe that husband who constantly complains about how you cook, will lose his job and be forced to cook for you while you have to go to work. He just might appreciate you AND your cooking a little bit more.

And that office manager, who runs around with her little to do lists for the clerks who are already busting their rump to make deadlines and presentations in time for the big account meeting, just might find herself one day in the clerk's shoes when the budget calls for cutbacks and layoffs.

Nothing is set in stone.

Ever.

So be grateful you have a home, a job, a good wife or husband, be grateful that despite the crap some people may throw your way from time to time is not going to last forever.

Maybe,  if you are single and you have been struggling all your life you will get married and your spouse will tell you to enjoy time at home with your kids.

Maybe, that person who made your life a living hell will see the error of their ways and apologize.

Maybe, that job you applied for will call you tomorrow.

Maybe, that person at work who mistreated and abused your willing and helpful nature, will get their ass kicked when they spouted the same obscenities to the wrong person.

Maybe, just maybe, the person who will come out the strongest, smartest and wisests from  all of the pain and all the heartache and all the sleepless nights and late nights at work is the one person who matters most....

YOU.

That is not a maybe, that, my friends is truth.