"NOTES" For You To Ponder

GOOD MORNING!!!!!

I have a question.

Answer honestly.

Why is it that when Daylight Savings time begins, we always say "We lost an hour of sleep."  We didn't lose anything. We actually gained an hour of daylight. This is my glass half full/half empty way of looking at things. We GAINED more sunlight, more time to enjoy the fresh air...We didn't lose the hour, I know where my hour is, actually I know EXACTLY where it is.....it's in November, on the 2nd day to be precise.

Yes I am on my 3rd cup of coffee here already.  Had about five Thin Mints(thank you Girl Scouts in front of the grocery store) and those three cups of coffee I am SO ready to go today!


Not much to do today, however. I have to go and file taxes and maybe get a bite to eat.  Why do we even need to file taxes anyway? Can't they just take what they want out of our checks during the year and then give everyone a little bit back at the end? Why do we have to pay some stranger to go through the hassle of letting us know we get $100 dollars back from Uncle Sam and after we fork over 40 bucks to the tax guy we end up with a spittle of money at the end anyway?

Why do those of us out there who struggle with mathematics and logical reasoning have to hurt our brains so badly with "simplified" online tax programs just to receive a small lump sum of money we gave to Uncle Sam only to have him return it back to us?  It's like putting a rent deposit on your apartment, only to have it returned to you later. If you are going to return it to me anyway, why don't I just keep it to begin with?

Does anyone still file using that book you get at the post office or library and mail in a paper return?

*hears the crickets chirping*

Speaking of that book, raise your hand if you ever read the entire book. Now raise your hand if you've ever understood what you just read.

*listens to hear those crickets still chirping*

They need a book titled "Taxes for Dummies". I'm sure there probably is one of those books out there...somewhere. Or perhaps Cliff Notes. Remember Cliff Notes?? I had Cliff Notes in high school for the Red Badge of Courage. Didn't help much. Our teacher was smarter than Cliff was and asked questions on the test Cliff didn't cover in his book. Of course she didn't share that helpful bit of info until AFTER the test.

Needless to say I did quite poorly on that test that year.

That's probably why I don't see Cliff's Notes around anymore.

Cliff probably got fired.

Then Cliff probably ended up becoming a hermit on a secluded island.

Who is Cliff anyway? Is Cliff his first or last name? Is Cliff even a guy? *shrugs*

Maybe Cliff should just take his name off the book and write a simple book called "Notes".  Some topics he could write about could be.....

1.  Notes for parents:

• Remember to turn off the coffee pot when you walk out the door.
• Remember Susie's Science project is still on the kitchen table.
• Look at your work shoes because little Joseph just dropped his waffles on them.
• There's a puddle in the hallway by the door either Joseph or the dog left it there. Yes, I know it's 8:35 and you will be ten minutes late to work after you drop the kids off at school if you wipe it up.....
• It's THEIR homework, not yours...remember that.
• I don't know why these 2nd grade math equations are so damn hard. How many apples did Jenny  really have at the end? Go get that bag of apples out of the pantry. We'll figure this out together.
• Lisa just dropped her My Little Pony in the toilet....after she used the toilet.....
• You need to buy a larger size of diapers for Little Joseph....his just exploded....bring a hazmat suit and gloves...you'll be needing them.
• Your teenage son's Saturday Sandwich from three weeks ago is fermenting under his bed. Ever see the movie...The Blob?

2.  Notes for Employees: 

• Don't say what you are thinking to your boss in the heat of the moment.
• That cologne you bathe in every morning...don't!  The ladies are not impressed.
• That lipstick color is so 80's; remove it at once!
• Social Networking is a no-no on the company computer; it is however acceptable on your Iphone as you crouch beneath your desk. If caught tell your boss you dropped your pen and smile politely.
• Don't gossip.
• Seriously, don't talk ill of other coworkers. Lose lips sink ships...remember that. 
• Don't be a brown nose....keep a clean nose and moral standards. You may not get a promotion but your self-worth will never be questioned by you or anyone else for that matter.
• NO! You don't give a damn about who Larry in HR slept with...keep walking.

3.  Notes for Children:

• Mom is ALWAYS right.
• Mom is ALWAYS right even when she really is wrong. Just nod and smile and keep eye rolls at bay.
• Check your attitude at the bedroom door.
• Lights out doesn't mean sock your brother into unconsciousness.
• Legos and Army Men are evil and should be removed from the floor immediately after play...or suffer the consequences later after your mother steps on one.
• When you stomp your feet in anger make sure to tell mom there was a bug on the floor.
• Your Science project is on the kitchen table.
• "Use your inside voice" means don't use the voice mom uses inside when she's angry.  Your "Inside Voice" is about 90 decibels lower than mom's "Inside Voice".  Remember that.
• Your parents DO love you.

4. Notes for Teens:

• Your brother has your Iphone and he's texting your girlfriend now.
• He likes you...don't look away....smile back silly girl.
• No, you are NOT fat!
• Don't make that face at your mother, you'll regret it in five seconds
• There is something crawling under your bed. I think it's that sandwich you made three weeks ago.
• That Video game you wanted it's on sale at Walmart for $20, but the newer version just came out online for $100. Go to Walmart, Go to Walmart, Go to Walmart...*sigh*....
• Your parents have undercover spies watching your every move; if you shouldn't be doing it...DON'T! They know the guy at the Quickie Mart, they know the woman who owns that fast food joint you hang out at and that woman knows the guy at the corner liquor store. Do yourself a favor and walk away.
• Don't you post that photo! NO....not that one either! Find some clothes that make you look normal and show less skin...Thank you. Now you may post them.
• Don't get into the car, call your parents for a ride home; you'll thank them when you make it to your 30th birthday alive and well.  
• Your parents DO love you.

5.  Notes for Husbands:

• Your wife is always right. Go ask the kids if you don't believe me.
• Open the car door for her
• Make her breakfast....nothing fancy....coffee and some toast or a bagel. Voila! (see her smiling?)
• Tell her she is beautiful. When she wakes up crying over a grey hair she found, tell her she is beautiful.
• Notice when she is in a "mom shirt" and jogging pants with baby vomit on it and her hair is all in a disarray, tell her she is beautiful and how much you love her. Because you know it's true.
• Change a diaper; do homework with the kids; Don't tell her you worked all day. What do you think she has been doing all day? Playing Candy Crush on level 1,305? She works too.
• She is your equal, not your servant
• She loves you with no conditions; do the same
• There's a reason she cooked you that big dinner  *grins*
• Don't hesitate when she asks, "Do these jeans make me look fat?"
• Listen to her; No, really listen to her. Put that remote down or better yet shut off the TV and listen...to her.  
• Go ahead and ask for directions.  The guy in that small desert town isn't going to remember you tomorrow, and Easter dinner will be getting cold(along with your wife's attitude) at the in-laws.
• It's okay to cry. Real men cry sometimes. Forget the crap supposed "real men" told you in the past.

6. Notes for Wives:

• We are ALWAYS right. (Okay not really, but it's fun to make everyone else believe we think we are)  Sometimes(unfortunately) we have to concede and admit our faults or sadly mistaken views of a situation
• Love your husbands unconditionally
• Cook a really, REALLY,  good dinner....then be sure to offer a way to work it off ...*wink*
• Be sure to work your beauty magic in those "Mom shirts" and jogging pants; You ARE beautiful inside and out.
• Time to shave lady.  You are looking like Big Foot there sister!
• It's okay to cry. You are not weak....you are human and you have a heart and feelings. It will be okay.
• He loves you so much, he just isn't good with "using his words" very well.  He washed the dishes, changed two diapers, and made you coffee this morning. That's his way of saying, "I love you and I know you work hard too."

I should write my own book. I could come up with at least 100 more of each set of "Notes" here.   I had more in my head, but I need to get off of this thing.  I shall compile my own "Notes" For You To Ponder, Part 2 maybe this week or later on today.

Have a lovely Sunday!!! I'll be back again soon.







  .

Being *Somewhat* Productive

*Cough, Cough, Cough....Sneeze*

Oh, excuse me, this cold just came out of nowhere.  Well actually not nowhere(is that a double negative? Because I didn't mean for it to be one), it came from somewhere obviously. Let's see where all the places are that I've been this week. Two grocery stores, a gas station, WORK wiping little noses galore lately, sitting at home, and that about sums up my agenda this week.

Now if we think about home, there are my children who have been around other children. My son had a sore throat and massive cough when he slept here a few nights ago while they were with me.  I had a sore throat Friday morning and was totally out of it by Friday night after work. Surprised I didn't run over anyone or swerve off the road from sheer fatigue.

It was THAT bad.

Yesterday  I felt better. So what's the deal here?

I am going to be baking some banana chocolate chip muffins today. I can't wait. The bananas are perfectly ripe for baking. Little bit o' brown spots and squishy. Not too squishy as in watery squishy, that would be disgusting, but squishy as in they can be mashed with a plastic spoon if need be.

So I'm going to bake. Going to clean, vacuum and finally dust around here.  There was a photo on Facebook floating around that I posted on my wall a while back. It said the following:

My house is not a mess.

It's just that everything is on display for your viewing pleasure.

Like a museum.

I added my own post to that above the photo before I posted the link. It said this:

  That's right...my house is a museum. To the right you will see the historic two pound dust bunny from 2012, feel free to autograph the end table atop the 4 inches of dust. And over there in the boys room, you will notice their latest science project, we call it "milk in a cup from yesterday" and there on the far left in the middle of the living room is "sock standing on it's own" or "Dirty T-shirt that lost it's way to the laundry room". Hold on tightly as you enter the kitchen and enjoy the delight of a sudden chill on your feet and losing your balance at the "Ice that Melted on the floor" display. Don't forget to head over to the fridge where you will find the sci-fi mystery dinners wrapped in aluminum foil or growing inside a Rubbermaid container, they may even smile at you. Be careful of the sneaky and sticky Capri sun straw wrapper that will latch onto your bare foot or shoe. Those things are evil. You've been warned. LOLLLL

That pretty much sums up my apartment at the moment. Well, scratch that. There are no science projects or mystery meals in the fridge anymore. I cleaned a bit yesterday...in slow spurts....but there is still some dust worthy of an autograph or two on the table.

That reminds me of this pizza place we use to venture to when I was a teenager. It was called Geno's East, it was on the Southeast Side of Chicago. While you waited to be seated, you could write on the walls of the restaurant anywhere you wanted to. It was a graffiti artist's heaven. Not that I was a graffiti artist by nature, but felt kind of invigorating to do something that was normally considered illegal outside the walls of that establishment without it being illegal. Ya know?  You could also draw on the tables too. And the deep dish pizza was to die for.

Miss that place so much.

Good times.

I just caught a glimpse of the weather on the Weather Channel as I went to refill my coffee mug. More thunderstorms afoot this afternoon. I can't wait.  All week long there is a chance of rain, thanks to our good buddy Tropical Depression Ivo. Who names these storms anyway? What kind of name is Ivo. I have heard of Ivy, or Ivan even, but Ivo?  Are there any Ivo's out there reading this? If so kindly raise your hand.

*silence*

Uh, huh. I thought so. 

I'm thinking I may need to start building that ark. Actually forget the ark, I have a blow up twin mattress here, I'll just duct tape some wood around it and have a nice little canoe. I can use some brooms for paddles and  be sure to pack my insulated Walmart bag to stock up on canned goods and water for the trip.  Maybe we will flood enough the waters will float me right back to my parents back yard in Indiana.

That would be funny.

(I have a really vivid imagination, and I'm bored so I'm just gonna go with it)

 I can just see myself floating down the alley between my sister and my mom's house waving with a big smile saying "Hi mom! Got some coffee ready? I'm home!"

Dog starts barking, I grab onto the side of her fence and hop over it. Because of course the flood waters only go down the alley and not in my mom's yard. 

 

My kids do this all the time. They give me hypothetical situations and tell me their version of how things could go.

Or they do the "what if" scenarios a lot of times.

For instance, one day we were sitting here and I had forgot to shut the heat off on the spaghetti o's after I served the kids lunch. So my son says to me "what if it had started on fire?" then I said "well then, we'd exit out the front door or patio door." Well, what if they are blocked by fire? "Well then, I guess we'd go through one of the bedroom windows." Well, what if the bedroom windows are blocked too by fire? The sarcastic adult in me would probably like to say "Well then I guess we'd be burnt to a crisp like bacon, huh?" But I would never say that. So instead I said, "Well, we'd probably go out the living room window then.

Another what if moment from my youngest twin, well more like an imagined hypothetical went like this:

"Mom who do you think would win a fight between an Army of Bugs vs. the People Army?"

"Probably the Army of People," I say matter of factly.

"But the bugs could win couldn't they?"

"I guess they could, but it's highly unlikely."

"But the bugs could sting the people with poison and they could die."

"I suppose they could". 

So why did he ask me to begin with. The bugs already won the war in his head.

He then went on to ask me who would win in the war of an Army of all the birds in the world or the People Army(people army, why am I saying people Army?? My kids have me talking like them now. You know I was at work the other day and I was giving a coworker a recipe and I told her "Half a cup of sprinkle cheese..." I stopped to laugh, and said "I meant Shredded Cheddar") 

So getting back to the war between birds and people I told my son I wasn't sure who would win. I figured why get into this again. But he persisted and I told him the People Army would win because they have guns. And hunters shoot birds with guns, and since the People Army are trained to shoot guns they would win.

No argument from him.

I won that discussion I guess. Or gave the right answer. Either way it was a win win for us both.

Okay, I suppose I've rambled on long enough. Time to get some actual productive stuff going on around here.

Like cleaning(sigh).

Or writing my to do list in the dust on the end table.