Randomness.....That's All This Is

Well, it's been a very busy week.

But I survived.

Tried to quit smoking...that lasted three whole days. I'm getting there. It's a tough habit to break. I don't even like smoking, so why do I keep doing it? 

I'm heading out for a haircut today. I remember now why I hate short short hair. You have to maintain it every six weeks or so. Because your bangs start growing out and hang over your eyeballs, you look like one of those dogs with the hair that covers their eyes(what is that dog called?? you know the shaggy ones...darnit I can't think of the name).  I keep flipping my head to one side to get the bangs out of the way, they are too short to push behind my ears and stay there.  

Arghhhhh!

So it's Sunday. I had a really nice visit yesterday with a friend of mine who I love dearly. Haven't seen her in at LEAST a year. She is Pagan, but I love her nonetheless. We have seen some dark days together and gotten one another through them. We have had some amazing laughs as well, and conversations well into the wee hours of the morning about all things spiritual, philosophical and just random.  She is my bestie. And what is really cool about her, she asked me some questions about the bible and we had a nice discussion about God. She believes in him. That's a good thing. She wants to attend church with me, and said she can't wait to go with me once she moves to this side of town(three weeks and counting). We can go to church and give thanks for the blessing of her new found home.  I wanted to give her this bible I had in my car, brand new one, but I forgot to do that. She wanted it, but we both forgot.

I got a chance to see two of my former students from my old job last night. I babysat for them and their new baby sister. The parents needed a night out.  I was so excited to see them and the oldest boy,who is five, kept jumping up on my back or hugging me. Then when I was leaving the parents kept calling me "Miss Barb".  I said, "Please, you can call me Barb. I feel so old when you call me Miss Barb, like Mrs. Doubtfire or something." They laughed and said "Okay, we'll call you Barb." I really like this family. They are good people.

Well, the new job is going well. I'm having some slight issues with the other teacher. But I'm hanging in there. Every new relationship(work included) has it's ups and downs and some things need to be tweaked before you work in perfect harmony. It's just life.  Two differing personalities combined in a room full of children. It's not easy. But not impossible either. Yes, that is a run on sentence I believe, but I don't feel like backspacing to finish that sentence.  So I'll just keep typing.

I have this bad feeling of impending doom surrounding me for some reason. Don't know if a loved one is in trouble or what. But I hate when this feeling hits me. Sometimes though, I get this feeling and something bad has happened in another state to people I don't even know and I see it on the news. The day of the Boston bombing, I had the worst feeling ever. I honestly thought something happened with my son, but it turned out that some poor people in Boston were literally running for their lives.

I'm currently looking for a new place to live.  So far, no luck.  I just keep praying and hoping that something will come up that will work out for me.  

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Well, I wrote that early this morning. It is now a little after two, and believe it or not we got rain out here today.  I went to get my haircut then headed to the grocery store for a few items. Needless to say, by the time I got to the grocery store there was lightning and the mountains had disappeared to the west  along with any stop lights or cars within the bucket of rain that fell from the sky.   It hadn't hit the store yet, but by the time I made it through produce and headed to the deli I heard the rain pounding on top of the store. I was racing to get through the aisles and get my purchases so I could just get out and home. All these elderly women are standing in the foyer of the store with their carts, and I looked at two of them and in a joking manner smiled and said, "It's just rain, I promise you won't melt," and I ran out the doors with my cart into the parking lot and puddles of water that had met my shoes. The rain was furious and so was the wind. Or maybe it was just the rain was so intense that it felt like wind, there was a clap of thunder here and there and I tried to get my groceries in the car in less than 30 seconds.  

I think I did it.

I was going to get gas but I just wanted to get home. And one stop light on the way took forever to change. I could hear the rain pelting the back window and thought for a moment that might be hail.  Finally made it home and of course there are no spots under the carport, so I just parked in front of my apartment and grabbed all the bags of groceries(seven of them) and the big bag of ice and shut the door with my butt before heading up the stairs.  

That was my exercise for the day.

Unloaded the frozen and perishables and then headed out on my patio to watch the weather.  I love this weather, unfortunately out here in the desert it rains the most maybe 15-20 minutes then it goes away. It's not like back home where when it rains, it rains most of the day. Or at least a good hour or two off and on. No, our rain is like God saying, "Here have fun, but then you're back on a time out again." At least that's what it feels like to me when the rain is gone. My time out's last months out here. 

I don't like this place....not one bit.

They built a new boardwalk near the town where I grew up. It's on the shores of Lake Michigan, and I see all these photos of weddings and playdates shared there and I think, "What I wouldn't do to go back home."  I would dance naked on a table of nails to go home....okay maybe not naked...and maybe not nails....marbles perhaps and maybe, just maybe in a bikini???  You get my drift. This place sucks, yes I said sucks, because it does. I want to just take my kids and run there. Of course I don't want to go to jail, I look awful in orange, so I'm stuck here for now anyway....,meh.

Eww...I bought this Marie Callendar's chicken and rice with cheese dinner. The chicken in this is hard and chewy in some spots. Good thing I ate these last, because if my meal started out this way I'd of tossed it in the trash.  $2.59 out in the trash....literally.  No thank you. I work too hard for my money to waste it. 

I got my hair cut. It looks okay. I still can't adjust to short hair on me. Everyone else loves it, except the one who has to wear it...me.  Ugh...but I don't want to go through that hellish nightmare ever again, and as long as my kids are in school and athletics and extra-curricular activities I will not be donning long locks again.  

Went to church this morning, had to leave. I was so overwhelmed with sadness for some reason, could not stop crying. I managed to make it through the 20 minutes of worship songs, but after that I was toast.  I had to leave. I felt the tears welling up inside me and I didn't want to cry in front of everyone, because I always sit in the front and didn't want to make a scene. So I darted across two older women and left the church in a hurry.

Then I got to my car and almost threw up. Yeah, I said it. I didn't do it though. Gagged a few times as I opened the car door and hung my head over, but that was about it. 

Too much on my mind these days. Trying to stay positive, but worry is my best friend these days. I want to end that friendship, but worry just keeps coming back like a bad penny. Stupid worry go hound someone else please.

Well, I guess I should go. I have lots to do and I think I'm going to take a nap. I need a nap. I know I said lots to do, but nap is first on my list here. So I shall take a nap. 

Have a wonderful week.

Hopefully mine will be quick and painless....stress wise that is.